


In Time

by felixflor



Category: Rookie Blue
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-22
Updated: 2013-10-16
Packaged: 2017-12-27 07:20:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/976028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/felixflor/pseuds/felixflor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>*takes place a week after the season finale. Sam and Chloe are out of the hospital, fine and dandy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

The Penny was the same as usual. Dov and Chloe had been inseparable since she was let out of the hospital three days earlier, and Chris was over at the bar trying to chat up a rando. Gail sat in her chair looking around, glass almost empty. Usually she would have been gagging at the Dov-and-Chloe show, but she was relieved that Chloe had made it out of the woods alive. She pretended to be nonchalant about it, of course, but the fact that Dov and Chloe were gazing into each other's eyes as if they were at their wedding altar didn't both her so much right now. Oh, and she was feeling pretty giddy knowing that Holly would be back tonight. And nervous.

Her watch read 10:04. Holly would be landing just about now. Gail would have offered to pick her up from the airport, but Holly had said that her coworker was going to give her a ride home before she could. So Gail kept drinking to take the edge off.

The last week had been such a whirlwind, what with Sam and Chloe in the hospital, Oliver's kidnapping, the _kiss_ , and having to go to work like normal despite it all. Gail couldn't even differentiate the days in her mind because they bled together. She had slept a lot- that she remembered. And Chloe and Sam had been dismissed from the hospital on the same day, so there had been a happy-but-tired reunion at the District 15 station.

Gail has stayed over at Holly's after the Sam-getting-shot night. Not that they'd done anything, or even talked. Five minutes after changing into an old t-shirt of Holly's, Gail was asleep in the guest bed. (Yeah, Holly had an actual guest room in her apartment). In the morning they'd had toast and eggs and coffee and Holly explained that she had to go away for a few days. She would have tried to cancel the trip in light of all that had recently happened, but she had to give a speech on some research that she'd been doing on the side. She'd be flying to Vancouver that day and staying for four nights, but they could talk on the phone and Gail'd see her right when she got home.

Gail wasn't one for chatting on the phone under normal circumstances, but that's exactly what she did that week where everything was a blur. Every night before she went to bed she'd call Holly or Holly would call her and they would talk about what had happened that day. They never went deeper, never mentioned the kiss or their budding relationship, but there were some subtle emissions of feelings. Gail might have said that she couldn't wait to see Holly, but she had been very tired and bordering on delirium. She might have mentioned that she missed Holly, too.

Gail's pocket buzzed. It was Holly calling.

"Hi, are you back?" Her voice seemed too high.

"Yeah. I'll be at my place in half an hour, want to meet me? Or want me to come meet you? It sounds like you're at the Penny."

"I'll come to you. Half an hour?"

"Perfect. Can't wait!"

"Me either." Oops, it came out before she could stop it. That tiny admission of happiness at seeing Holly made Gail feel vulnerable. She didn't even know what her and Holly were. They'd really only kissed twice- that time in the coat room, and in the interrogation room the day before Holly left. What if Holly had changed her mind? What if she just wanted to be friends? What if _Gail_ just wanted to be friends? Deep down, beneath her fear that was sometimes so overwhelming, Gail knew that she wanted to be more than friends with Holly. The kiss in the interrogation room had made her sure, but she still didn't want to be the first one to admit it. She saw it this way: she had made the first move in the interrogation room and now it was Holly's turn.

She took that last gulp of her drink and stood up to leave. Dov and Chloe didn't even turn away and she was glad that they didn't see her wring her hands before putting on her jacket to leave. She'd get there early she realized and she didn't really like the way that would make her look. But screw it, she couldn't drink more and still be able to drive anyways and she wasn't about to sit here and watch Dov and Chloe eat each other's faces.

*

Gail felt like a creep watching Holly get out of her coworker's car from her turned-off car on the other side of the street. She waited until the other car drove off before getting out of her car.

"Holly!" She couldn't help but stand there awkwardly- her knees were shaking ever so slightly, and her stomach felt _flippy_ when she saw Holly smiling face as she turned around.

"Hey, you!" Holly was grinning. And then Gail walked towards Holly, not stopping before taking Holly's body into an embrace. She felt so nice, so comfortable, so here. Holly wrapped her arms around Gail's waist, pulling her closer and they stood here like that for maybe ten seconds. It'd been a long week, a long hug was warranted.

They didn't say say anything more until they were in Holly's apartment and sitting at the island in the kitchen. Holly left her suitcase on the floor by the front door and they hung their coats on the hooks on the back of the front door.

"Do you want something to drink? Eat? I'm starving." Holly asked.

"Um, no thanks, I'm fine."

"Suit yourself. I make a mean roast beef sandwich."

Gail laughed, and then thought that her laugh sounded stupid. "So how was your flight?"

"Fine. I had the aisle seat and spent the first hour talking to the old lady who was knitting a a pair of socks for her fifteen year old grandson. They were lavender, for his sport's team apparently." Gail could barely listen as she watched Holly get food out of the fridge and start assembling her sandwich. She felt too far away. She wanted Holly to be in her arms. She wanted…

"Holly, shouldn't we talk? About, um, you know, us?" Subtlety was never her strong suit, after all.

Holly looked up quickly, and for a second she looked the tiniest bit nervous and her hands paused. "Yeah, of course. I was going to wait until after I ate, but yeah, absolutely, we should talk."

"Okay." Gail let Holly spearhead the conversation. The ball was in her court, after all.

"So… we kissed. Again. Well, I guess I kissed you that first time so maybe it doesn't count-"

"I did kind of kiss you back-"

"But you were surprised. It was a reflex." She stopped, Gail was pleased to be able to tell that Holly had been thinking about this, too. "Ok, _anyways_ , we kissed again. And now, I guess it depends on what you want. I'm happy with whatever you decide. I can't force you to have feelings for me. I don't _want_ to force you."

"You're not," Gail's voice was a whisper and she made herself speak up. "I think I like you," she added as matter-of-factly as she could muster.

"Well, you don't have to decide now. It's okay."

"No, wait, no. I like you." Holly had been looking at the kitchen island, but she raised her eyes to meet Gail's.

"I want you to be sure," Holly's expression was a little guarded, but Gail could see a tiny smile forming.

Gail stood up from her stool. "Kiss me." Gail said, challenging Holly. She could feel her heart starting to pound.

Holly smiled and Gail's heart did something funny. Holly dropped the butter knife she'd been holding and she made her way around the island purposefully, without dropping eye contact. And then Holly's right hand was tilting Gail's head up and her left hand was pulling at Gail's waist. Holly kissed Gail softly but intently, and then Gail was pulling Holly closer, her hands first at Holly's hips and then moving up her back and running them through her hair. Gail pulled off Holly's glasses and set them on the island behind her. Their kissing became more aggressive and Holly pushed Gail against the island, pulling at the seam of Gail's shirt, and let her tongue flutter against Gail's. Gail let out a small moan, which made Holly's head go fuzzy. Holly kissed Gail's neck and made her way towards her collar bone. Her right leg had made its way between Gail's legs, and when she tilted her hips to apply the slightest amount of pressure she heard Gail gasp sharply and Holly thought she might pass out right there.

Gail would be lying if she said this isn't what she'd imagined for the night. She didn't, however, know that when Holly's hands slipped under her shirt and rested on her bare hips any doubts that she had had would be erased, simply and easily. She wanted Holly in every meaning of the word. She pulled away from Holly slightly and rested her hands on Holly's shoulders so Holly looked at her.

"Is something wrong? I'm sorry if I'm going too fast," Holly said. Seeing her cheeks so flushed made Gail feel _things_. Gail smiled so Holly wouldn't worry.

"I like you. I'm sure, just so you know."

Holly smiled. "I like you, too."

"Well that's good to hear," Gail said semi-sarcastically, though she really was happy to hear it spoken out loud. "And, though I would like nothing more than to lead you to your bed right now, maybe, maybe you could make me one of your amazing sandwiches-"

"Absolutely," Holly was smiling her big, nerdy smile.

"I just think, you know, maybe we should take this slow."

"Gail, don't worry. I agree, too. Everything will happen in it's own time."

"I mean, not _that_ long," Gail was the one blushing now.

"Let me make you that sandwich," Holly said with her huge, teasing smile.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *one week post-finale, first date, car make-out sess, jurassic park, etc.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *i'm steering very slightly away from some of the other fics plz dont hate me!!!!!! also this ended up being a bit longer than I originally anticipated.

When Gail's alarm finally woke her up at 7:00 am for work she only remembered a glimpse of her dream. She wasn't exactly sure what it had been about, but floating there was the old familiar face of her friend Ana, from her summer job when she was 20 or so. She hadn't thought about Ana in a long time.

Many would be surpised to learn that Gail hadn't always been so straight. In fact, Gail didn't exactly consider herself straight, but she didn't really consider herself anything else either. That summer, working at the sports bar across the street from Forger Park and Rec, Gail and Ana had become pretty good friends. Such good friends that one night after close they found themselves making out, Gail perched on the counter and Ana pressed up between her legs. There had been beer involved, but Gail wouldn't deny that it was hot. So hot that it might have happened a few more times, too. Gail had been drawn to Ana's harsh sense of humor and her short boyish hair and toned brown arms, but at the end of the summer their momentum burnt out like so many summer flings. Gail had quit her job to start academy, and hadn't talked to Ana since.

Holly was nothing like Ana, though Holly was hovering in the pre-relationship zone that Ana had occupied. But, really, the situations were nothing alike. Gail and Holly really connected, they talked, and for some reason Gail felt safe with Holly. Though Ana had been hot, their conversations never went deeper than trading work stories and there was never potential to be more than occasional friends with benefits. Holly was swimming in a pool of potential, which made Gail scared. And Holly was hotter than Ana.

These were Gail's general thoughts as she got dressed for work and made coffee. She was in a good mood, amused by memories of Ana and a younger Gail. When a sleepy-haired Dov came into the kitchen, he found Gail smirking to herself.

"Did you get lucky last night or something?" Dov asked. "You disappeared from the Penny. And you're smiling."

Gail's smirk turned into a scowl. "Am I not allowed to be happy? And I'm surprised you noticed at all; when I left I swear I thought you and Chloe had actually started to melt into one person."

"Well, we did melt into one person, but that wasn't until after we got home from the bar.."

"Ew, Dov, gross."

Dov laughed. "Sorry. So who did you run off to see last night then? Was it Nichols from crime? He's been asking about you for a while."

"No, ew. I went to hang out with Holly, she just got back from her trip. Not that it's any of your business," Gail drank the last sip of her coffee and stood up abruptly before the conversation could continue. "Gotta go."

*

15 Division was slow, as Mondays tended to be.  Gail was on office duty.  She hated office duty with a passion, and today she had been assigned to work with McNally.  They still hadn't really talked since the hospital, but Gail was okay with that.  She had no intention of talking to McNally ever again if she could help it.  She also knew that Andy being Andy would want to make things right, even if it was just so Andy could feel better.  Gail wasn't even sure if Andy and Nick were still together since Sam got shot, but she didn't attempt to follow the love lives of 15 Division, especially those of her ex-boyfriend and ex-best friend.

"Hi!  How are you doing?" McNally looked over at Gail pensively but optimistically.

"Great."  Gail said with a fake smile.  She wasn't going to engage in conversation, but she figured sounding at least slightly civilized would do to not provoke McNally into some kind of heart-gushing nonsense that Gail had absolutely no interest in hearing.

"It's nice to finally have everything back to normal.  Last week was _awful_."

"Yep."  Gail bent over her stack of paperwork and attempted to look busy.  It worked.  The phone rang and McNally answered it, leaving Gail to do forms and daydream in solitude.  Her mind wandered, once again, to Holly.  Last night when Gail had gotten home, Holly had texted her to see if she wanted to do something the next night.  So Holly would be picking up Gail tonight at 8 to go to the old theatre near Holly's house for a showing of _Jurassic Park_ , one of Holly's favorites.  Just thinking about how nerdy and cute Holly was made Gail smile, but realizing that McNally would see a smile as an invitation to conversation she wiped it off her face and tried once more to concentrate.

 

*

Holly's expression at seeing Gail assured her that she'd made the right wardrobe choice, though honestly, it also kind of made her want to remove her clothes entirely.  She wore her hair at her shoulders and a short, dark red dress, paired with a leather jacket and black high-heeled ankle boots that her mom had bought for her.

"Like what you see?" Gail said with a smirk.

"It's okay, I guess," Holly shrugged her shoulders and Gail playfully hit Holly's arm and giggled as they turned to walk down the steps.  

 _When did I turn into a teenage girl again?_ Gail thought.

Holly didn't look bad herself.  She was wearing black boots and pants with a flowy, dark blue button-down.  She'd left her glasses at home tonight.

"Where's your fleece?  You know the theatre's going to be cold."

"Sorry to disappoint you, Gail, but I don't actually like fleeces.  I know you really wanted to borrow mine."

They got to the theatre ten minutes early, so Gail made them find the best seats.  They ended up three rows from the back (it was a pretty small theatre) and in the middle.  Holly pulled a plastic bag from her purse.  It was filled with every kind of movie-food: snickers, red vines, starburst, m&ms, cracker jacks and trail mix.

"What, are you Mary Poppins or something?" Gail was smiling, for some reason she found  the forethought to sneak treats into a movie touching.

"Nope, but my mom is."

" _Ha_."

It must have been high school when Gail saw Jurassic Park last, and she didn't remember anything of it besides the scene with the T-Rex and the car and everyone screaming.  This time, she made it about that far before becoming distracted.

Holly was being so cute, thorougly engrossed in the movie, eating snacks and occasionally looking to Gail to make sure she was having a good time, too.  Her hand had found Gail's forearm during one of the action parts, but afterwards it stayed put, her fingers lazily tracing minute designs or just resting in place.  Gail found this incredibly distracting, why exactly, she couldn't say.  But, she sat there contemplating Holly's hand instead of watching the movie.  This went on for maybe ten minutes until Holly glanced over and saw Gail staring at her own arm.  

For a moment Holly was nervous that maybe she had crossed the line somewhere.  Though they had made out the night before, and Gail had actually said that she liked Holly for the first time, she knew that what they had was still somewhat fragile.  She could understand that it might be a little touch that could send Gail running.  She removed her hand from Gail's arm and placed it on her side of the armrest without looking at Gail.  Then she felt Gail's hand on her's, intertwining their fingers.  Holly tried, but couldn't keep the smile off her face.  She looked over to Gail, but Gail was focused on the movie.

 

*

 

"I can't come up, I have to get up tomorrow at five," Gail frowned at this.  "But I wish I could."

"Just for one drink," Gail felt like she was begging.

"No, Gail, I really can't." Holly leaned over to kiss Gail goodnight.  But as her lips touched Gail's, Gail pulled her in closer.  Holly was caught off balance for a moment, forcing her to brace herself on the car door on Gail's side.  

"Come on," Gail helped her get into a more comfortable position, straddling Gail in the passenger seat.  They were both giggling now.  

"We're right outside your apartment.  Anyone could see us!"

"Holly, your windows are tinted, it'll be fine."  Gail wasn't entirely sure that this statement was true, but it was dark and she wanted this.

Holly tilted Gail's face towards hers and went in for a kiss.  Gail could feel herself losing some of her self control, her hands going straight to Holly's buttons.  When her shirt was open Gail pulled away from Holly's kiss to admire her body.  She placed her hands over Holly's lace bra and moved her hands over her stomache.  She was ridiculously smooth and she could feel Holly's breath catching under her fingertips.  

Holly fumbled around for something under the car seat.  For a second Gail thought she was looking for a condom and Gail chuckled to herself at the idea, before finding the back of her seat suddenly falling away from her.  Holly pulled off Gail's jacket and pushed her onto her back.  This time their kisses were hungry.  Gail's hands rested on Holly's hips.  One of Holly's arms was on the passenger seat, holding herself up, and the other hand was traveling up and down Gail's side.  Every time Gail's back arched Holly got closer to needing to rip Gail's dress completely off.

"What about taking this slow?" Holly whispered.  Gail moaned in response, then closed her mouth on the base of Holly's neck and sucked in.  Holly's eyes closed automatically, and moaned an _oh my god._  

"Gail," she said, eyes still closed.  "We have to stop before I can't.  I have to get home."

Gail made a frustrated noise and let her head fall back.  "Sorry for keeping you out past your curfew."  She pecked Holly quickly before Holly sat up and started buttoning her shirt.

Gail was just attempting to sit up when she noticed someone walking directly towards the front of the car from the other side of the street.  She could tell right away that it was Dov and that she could do nothing but hope that he didn't glance inside.  Even if Holly's windows were tinted, there was no way the windshield would be.  Holly noticed Gail staring wide-eyed and she turned quickly to see what she was staring at.  She yelped at the sight of Dov meandering towards them with his hands in his pockets, and she tried to get herself out of the passenger seat, but it was difficult.

Gail saw it all in slow motion: Dov looked up from the sidewalk, saw Holly squirming around with her shirt half-way buttoned up.  He first smirked at the sight of a car makeout session, but then he realized that the blonde girl pinned down in the passenger seat was Gail.  And the person squirming around frantically was a woman.  It was Holly.  Gail saw Dov piece all of this information together, his jaw literally dropping open.  Then they made eye contact- Dov first looking embarrassed, then exchaging it for a huge, dumb grin and a thumbs-up.  Gail sent daggers with her eyes, and then Dov was past the car and walking up the stairs to the apartment.

"Did he see us?" Holly was finally in her seat, though still turned around.

"I don't think so.  But, I should go.  'Night, Hol."  She kissed Holly and got out of the car.

" _Fuck,_ " she said to herself.  This wasn't a conversation she wanted to have right now, or ever.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *drama&angst&drama&angst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *This took a while, many apologies. But it's extra long! And more coming soon! I appreciate any comments you have c:

 When Gail walked through the door Dov was leaning against the kitchen counter holding a mug in his hand and smirking.  Clearly, he'd been waiting for Gail to come up.

"So, Gail.  _Holly_."

"I see you can no longer put words into actual sentences," Gail rolled her eyes.

"I can't believe I didn't put it together sooner! You guys have been inseparable for a while… I just never…" Dov's voice faltered as he replayed the scene in the car and a stupid grin came over his face.  "And last night when you left the bar you totally went to hook up with her!"

" _Dov_ " Gail said, making him snap back to reality.

"Have you told anyone?  Are you like a _lesbian_ now?"

Gail made herself count to three slowly and take a deep breath to keep from twisting Dov's neck.  "No, I haven't told anyone yet, and I would appreciate if you didn't either.  This… thing is still pretty new and I want to take my time with it.  Not that it's any of your business."

"Well, you were in a car right outside of our _apartment_. It's kind of like you wanted to get caught."

"I wasn't thinking," Gail was still berating herself for the thoughtlessness of it all.

"Yeah, it looked like you were a little too busy to think."  Gail shot Dov a look and he shrugged defensively.

"Can you please not tell anyone? I just need a little bit more time," Gail pleaded, and then hated herself for pleading.

"Yeah, of course.  But, Gail, Holly's awesome.  I wouldn't be worried about what anyone's going to think.  We all just want you to be happy."

 

*

 

Gail tossed and turned all night.  She was distracted with thoughts of Holly, her friends, her life.  A baseless anxiety was permeating all of her thoughts.  She didn't think she minded so much that Dov caught them, she thought she was more annoyed than anything else.  But, then where was this anxiety coming from?

_I wouldn't be worried about what anyone's going to think._

Was she worried about what people would think?  She didn't think so.  But, for some reason, the thought of Holly meeting her friends as her girlfriend was making her really nervous.  And all of her feelings were making her confused, it was like they were in a language she didn't understand.  Was she embarrassed of Holly?  No.  Was she worried about what Holly would think of her after getting to know the rest of her life?  Maybe.  Very possibly.  But Holly already had met most of her friends on one occasion or the other.  She'd been to the precinct a lot recently.  Even Chris, who's head was usually up in the clouds, had noticed that they were spending tons of time together.  And Traci had given her a few looks that suggested she had an idea of what was transpiring between them.

She thought back to the coatroom at Noelle's wedding, where Holly had first kissed her.  Had she felt anything right then?  Had she known then, maybe even _before_ then, that she was developing these feelings for Holly?  She didn't think so.  Sure, her breath had caught when Holly pressed her lips to hers.  And afterwards, she was left with a blank mind and had had trouble stringing words together.  And she had felt a strange and distinct comfort with Holly from practically the first day they met.  But she didn't really think that she had allowed her mind to go there, not really, until the night in the bar when she had watched jealously as Holly talked to another woman.

And now Gail and Holly were actually together.  Gail was happy, in a way that seemed almost unhealthy.  It scared her.  It seemed that there was only one way for this to go.  Surely, something would happen and it would all come crashing down around her.  It struck Gail, then, that she didn't want her friends to know because if they knew now they would inevitably also be there to watch her when everything went to shit, which it inevitably would.

Little did she know that it would go to shit much faster than she thought possible.

 

*

 

_Beep, beep._

It was Gail's mother, and it was also before noon, so Gail put the phone down without looking at the message.  (A day can be ruined easily by Elaine Peck, it's better to leave her mother for the afternoon.)

Around 12:30, as Gail was getting her coat for her lunch break with Holly, she remembered the message waiting on her phone.  (It's also a good idea to not leave Gail's mother waiting for _too_ long, or that will also cause problems.)

<<Tomorrow night, 7:30, reservation under the name Daniel Vergara at Thousand Acres! Get excited, he's a cutie! xo, Mom>>

Gail's stomach drops and at the same time she feels a hand pulling her elbow.  Holly is there, looking professional and sexy with her hair in a ponytail and a navy blue blazer.

"Hey, how are you?  You look kind of spooked or something," Holly's glasses slide down her nose a little and she pushes them up.

Gail shakes her head, briefly closing her eyes and pushing the blind date to the back of her mind.  "I'm fine.  Just kind of distracted.  Let's go."

"Where?" Holly asks, but Gail is already a few paces ahead of Holly, moving towards the door.

 

*

 

Today was the first day that finally felt like autumn.  The leaves weren't quite changing, but the air was crisp and the sun seemed a little farther away.  Holly tugged the sleeves of her blazer down over her wrists in an attempt to stay warm.  They were sitting on a bench that Gail had found in the park a few blocks down from 15.  It wasn't the most picturesque park; there was a housing project on one side and a pond in one corner that looked more like a large puddle.  Gail had chosen a bench at the highest point of the park, looking out over the pond and with a view of the Toronto skyline far in the distance.  With trees blocking much of the view of the surrounding neighborhood, it was peaceful, almost pretty.

"Who knew Gail Peck appreciated nature?" Holly smiled and bumped Gail's knee with her own.

"Hey, so I know this park pretty well cause I patrol here all the time, so what?" Gail was smiling, but trying not to.

Holly pulled out two wrapped sandwiches from the paper bag that she had been carrying, and handed one to Gail. "Roast beef, no tomatoes.  And an apple.  Golden delicious for my golden delicious." Holly smiled cheesily.

"Gag me."

"Is that an invitation?  Didn't know you were into that.  _Kinky_."

" _Ha ha_.  I'll take my lunch now, thank you.  So, how is your day going?" Gail started unwrapping her sandwich.

"Good, surprisingly, for having such an early morning.  I had some tests that were time-sensitive, but the results were exactly what I had been hoping for.  These results just solved two homicides from District 27 in one fell swoop.  And I got a new intern today, some kid from the medical program at Toronto Community to help me with filing and see if he's interested in the life underground.  He's hilarious and it's kind of nice to have company.  So I would say my day is going swell."

"Swull?" Gail teased with a mouth full of roast beef.

"What was that?" Holly brushed a crumb off of Gail's chin.  "Oh, by the way, I wanted to ask you about last night.  Dov really didn't see anything?"

"Nope, thank God.  I never would have heard the end of it."

Holly laughed. "Good."

Gail wasn't entirely sure why she was lying.  It didn't really make sense- it wasn't like she was trying to hide her relationship from _Holly_.  But it was the anxiety again.  She just needed to buy time before their relationship was in the open.  And until Gail was ready, Holly couldn't know that Dov knew.  Man, this was getting complicated.

She realized she'd been sitting quietly for a few seconds now, so she said the first thing that came to mind.  "My mom wants to set me up on a blind date for tomorrow night."

For some reason Gail thought Holly would find this funny, but Holly looked sort of confused.

"I mean, I'm obviously not going," Gail tried to backtrack.

"What did you tell her?"

"Nothing yet.  I'll just tell her I can't.  No big deal."

"Your mom really wants you to have a boyfriend, huh?"

Something was off, but Gail was having a hard time figuring out exactly what.

"Holly, I'm sorry.  If you're upset that I haven't told my mom yet, it's just… this is so new.  And my mom and I aren't exactly close."

"Have you told anyone?" Holly asked quietly, looking at her sandwich.

"What?"

"About us.  Have you told Traci?"

"Um, no," Gail was grasping.  "It's been a busy few days.  I'm going to-"

"Uh huh." Holly's face was closed off.  She almost looked angry.

"Holly, what's going on?  I thought we decided to take this slow.  It's been like two days."  Gail was starting to panic.

"Sorry, I'm not being fair.  It's just dejá vu a little bit for me.  I've been in this place with girls before, you know, before they've come out.  I know it's hard, I know you're not a lesbian, but I don't know, I feel kind of… foolish.  Like, I'm back in this place I thought I'd left behind."

"Holly, what are you saying?" Gail's hands had gone icy cold and she was starting to shake slightly.

"Gail, you're not even _gay_.  Your mom is busy trying to set you up with guys."

"We've gone over this, Holly, why are you still questioning it?  I like you.  A _lot_.  Don't you believe me?"

Holly sat there looking at her hands. 

"Holly, if you don't trust me, that's a whole other issue."

"I know, you're right."  She still had that distant look on her face.  She glanced at her phone. "Uh, shit, I forgot I have to be back at the lab.  Results.  I gotta run, can we talk later?"  And then she was walking away and not looking back.

"Please don't walk away," Gail whispered.  "I thought we talked about things."

But she was gone.

 

*

 

_Fuck this mess.  Fuck Holly.  Fuck everyone._

Gail had messed this up more quickly than it had even started.  Even though she was still confused as to how, she was sure the fault was hers.

The rest of the day passed with a blur.  She made an arrest with Oliver, they had brought a drunk driver into the station, but she could barely recall the woman's face.  Oliver could tell something was up, but he didn't push it.  Usually, when Gail was in a bad mood she looked like she could murder someone, but this afternoon she looked small, sad.  He could have sworn he saw her wipe a tear out of the corner of her eye.

Gail made it home and fell into her bed without removing her uniform or pulling back her sheets.  She awoke after dark, having slept dreamlessly for hours.  She was hungry but she didn't want to move.

How could Holly have messed her up so much?  And how could it have changed so quickly?  Last night they were making out heatedly in Holly's car like teenagers, without caring that anyone could walk by and see them.  She had finally fallen asleep last night by thinking about having sex with Holly, and now it would appear that they were over.

Gail curled up into the fetal position.  Her work boots were getting dirt all over her sheets but she didn't care or have the energy to pull them off.

Holly had walked away from her.  She had left, just like everyone else.

 

*

 

When Gail woke up again, she wasn't sure what time it was, but it was still dark.  A noise had woken her up, a tapping at her window.  She laid there for a minute without moving, hoping the noise would go away.  But, there it was again, and then she was rolling over and moving towards the window.  She looked through the crack between her curtains, and it was Holly.  She didn't know who else it would be, but she felt her heart speed up.  She came close to leaving Holly standing there and going back to bed, but Holly had noticed the curtains move and she was motioning to Gail to open the window.

Gails fingers were trembling as she unlocked the latch and pulled the window open.

"Why didn't you answer your phone?  I've been calling you all night," Holly asked.  She looked like she was in pain.  Her hair was still in a ponytail, but it was more unkempt than it had been earlier.

"What time is it?" Gail asked as Holly started pulling herself up over the window sill.  "And what are you doing here?"

"Did you just get home?" Holly asked, noticing that Gail was still in her uniform, even down to the boots.  "I called the station but they said you got off early."

"I was sleeping."  Holly saw Gails hair, which was slightly matted on the left side, and realized exactly how much she messed up.

"Gail.  I need to talk to you.  I need to explain what happened today.  I'm so sorry that I freaked out.  It wasn't your fault at all-"

"I don't think I can do this right now," Gail said quietly and evenly.

"Gail, _please_ -"

"Holly, I don't even know what I did.  But it took you about two minutes to walk away and leave me sitting there alone."  Gail allowed herself to feel anger.

Holly should have known, of course, that walking away had been an awful idea.  Holly stood there, staring at her shoes and hating herself for doing this to Gail.  Hurting her had been the absolute last thing she had meant to do, but she had freaked out.  She had only been trying to protect herself.  She had been only thinking about herself, she realized.

"I'm _so_ sorry.  If you'll let me, I just want to explain," Holly didn't move her eyes from her feet.

"I don't know.  We've only been together for a couple days.  This is just… a lot.  Maybe it's too much."

" _Gail_."  She was in full panic mode now.  She stepped forward and reached for Gail's forearm, but Gail pulled it away.  "I'm scared, Gail.  I'm scared by how much I like you.  Once… I, when I was nineteen, I know that was ages ago, but my best friend broke my heart.  She was straight, but we had a couple months together that were so amazing.  I was head over heels for her.  But, she left me because she didn't want to, she couldn't, tell people about us.  It broke me-"

"I was going to tell everyone!  I just, I just need a little bit of time."

"I know.  Today I got so irrational, I know it was so completely unfair.  I didn't want to hurt you, Gail, I just got scared.  I like you, like a lot more than I thought I would, and it scares me."

"Me too, Holly."

Holly brought her eyes to meet Gail's.  Gail looked a little stronger now, but still tired.  

"Can you forgive me?"  Holly asked quietly.

"What scared _me_ today was that you didn't talk to me.  You just walked away.  I'm not good at feelings, Holly, you _know_ that.  But, it freaked me out that you just left.  I thought we were done, just like that.  And you let me think it was my fault, and that's fucked up.  How do I know you're not going to do it again?"

"I swear.  I promise, I'll do anything.  How can I make it up to you?"  Holly looked so sad that Gail's heart was tearing at the edge every moment she watched Holly.  Gail's words were all true, and hearing them out loud made Holly crumble.

"Promise me you'll talk to me always."

"I promise.  I will."

Gail had had enough of looking at sad Holly, so she pulled her in and wrapped her arms around her.  Holly rested her head on Gail's shoulder and wrapped her arms tightly around her waist.

"I have to admit, I didn't expect you to be bad at relationships, too," Gail said, smiling slightly.

" _Hey_ ," Holly protested into Gail's jacket, but she was pretty sure she was smiling.  Gail kissed the side of Holly's head.  "Dov saw us, didn't he?"

"Yeah."

"I kind of thought so."

"I'll tell you next time.  I promise."

They stood there for a while, arms wrapped around each other and Gail wasn't sure if two minutes or ten passed before she broke the silence to suggest getting some sleep.

 

*

 

Gail woke up the next morning still encircled in Holly's arms.  She felt like she had slept for years.  She kissed Holly's arm that was resting underneath her neck, and just laid there for a while.

If someone had told her a year ago that today she would be laying in bed with this wonderful woman, she wouldn't have believed it.  She didn't know what she had done to deserve this.  Sure, there would be bumps along the way, but that was only to be expected.  Nothing had ever come easy for Gail anyway, and they were only human after all.  The night before had made Gail realize that Holly was flawed, too, not that she felt any less for her because of it.  Holly, too, had insecurities, though she was usually good at keeping them under wraps.  Holly, too, had a complicated relationship history.  Holly, too, was scared at the surprising depth of her feelings for Gail.  

Gail couldn't wait to get to know her even better.


End file.
